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Admit it: when you got married, you never, ever thought that you and your spouse would call it quits eventually. But things have been bad between the two of you for a while. Your spouse may have been giving you the cold shoulder for months now, which made you wonder what’s wrong. Then one day, your spouse finally asks for a divorce.

Chances are you’ll be caught off guard and you’ll go ballistic. In the next few days, you’ll be a total mess, crying and acting irrationally. You may even go as far as begging your spouse to stay so you can work things out. Stop, pause, and think of what you ought to do during this trying time. As they say, it’s not over till it’s over. Maybe you can still do something about it. Maybe your marriage can still be saved.

While it’s important not to lose hope, here’s what you should and shouldn’t do when your spouse asks for a divorce:

DON’Ts

It’s important to know that there are things that you should not do at this point. If your spouse wants to leave you, but you still want to save your marriage, then you should take note of the following:

Don’t say, “I Love You.” – Those are the last words your spouse will want to hear from you. If you say them, you will appear manipulative and pushy.

Don’t buy gifts, flowers, and cards. – Chances are you’ll want to shower your spouse with gifts in order to make up for what you did or didn’t do. However, you should keep in mind that you can’t buy love.

Don’t beg or plead. – You may be tempted to beg or plead. But hold your horses. You should avoid coming across as desperate or needy, as that may only aggravate the situation.

Don’t go wild. – When you feel absolutely devastated, chances are you might end up doing drugs, getting drunk or having sex with anyone who’ll have you. Control yourself. If you really want to get your spouse back, this isn’t the way to go.

DO’s

Now, there are important things that you should do if you want to try and win your spouse back, Here are some of the things that you might want to do. Hopefully, they’ll work:

Do give your spouse some space. – The first thing to do is to give your spouse some space. Maybe your spouse needs time to think things over. Who knows? Your spouse might miss you.
Do keep busy. – Instead of devoting all your time to your efforts to win your spouse back, now is the best time to focus on yourself and your kids, if you have any. Go out on your own or with your friends, family, and kids. You can go to a place of worship, try a new hobby, or get some exercise.

Do take care of yourself. – Chances are you might stop caring about your appearance. You’ll probably end up looking totally disheveled. But remember, looking good is tantamount to feeling good.

Do get help. – It’s important to have a support system during this trying time. Reach out to your closest friends to help you rise above the situation. If you want to, you can seek professional help. You can also read self-help books.

Do be your “best self.” – It’s easy to fall prey to angst, anger, and depression. But it takes courage, strength, and self-respect to rise above this situation. Be mature enough to weather this storm. Find your self-worth and be the best version of yourself. At the end of the day, forgive yourself and love yourself fully.

Judith Goldberg, Attorney & Mediator.   Connect With Judith



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